Double Trouble

Sixteen-year-old Emily (not her real name) appears to be like any fun-loving teenager in school. Her engaging smile and quiet disposition draws teachers and friends to her. But not very long ago, at age fourteen, Emily was burdened with guilt and shame as she discovered that she was going to be mother, a result of a relationship she had with her neighbour.

“I never knew it could happen to me. People thought I was cool to have a boyfriend so young. Before that, I thought I able to do everything. Unfortunately, I was also capable of having a baby”. Emily, unlike most unwed mothers, came from a middle-class, loving family. And that was probably what helped Emily to be where she is today. Immediately when the news was broken to the family, after the initial shock and despair, they quickly rallied around her to find a solution.

“We knew it was wrong, but we had to save our little girl. We couldn’t let her give up her future. We arranged an abortion for her by one of our relatives who is a doctor in K.L.”

The boy, of course, denied responsibility. The relationship was broken off as though nothing ever happened. Emily and family shifted house as the hurt and anger of staying so close to the boy constantly haunted them. It took time for Emily to get back to normal. “My friends and teachers never knew. It will be my secret forever”. Though, it seemed like it never happened, the guilt of taking a life still remains in Emily’s life, a secret she would have to carry.

Sex while yet a teenager is still taboo in our society. Yet, it has become a problem and statistic shows that the number is increasing. There will be drastic changes in the teenager’s life not only upon herself but also her family and loved ones.
Clearly, the aftermath of being pregnant is a storm of emotions such as guilt, anger, denial or self hatred. Denial may prevent a girl obtaining help until it is too late. Guilt may lead to severe depression or even suicide.
“I didn’t care whether I lived or died. Nothing mattered anymore” says Shanti (name changed), who became pregnant while in Form 4. As a result, Shanti dropped out of school and had attempted suicide a few times. After much counseling, she is now able to come to terms with her situation and is now working in a factory in Seremban, single-handedly raising her child.
Teenage pregnancy causes the burden of adult decision to land prematurely on the shoulders of the teenager. She will have to consider the option of marrying the baby’s father and raising the child together. However, the boy, though capable of fathering the child might not be in the position to provide and care for the family as a good father. He might not be emotionally mature enough, resulting in more pain and suffering.
In the case where the boy finger points fault at the girl and walks away from the responsibility, the option to abort the baby may then become a reality. As abortion is illegal in Malaysia, often it is done in the traditional way and is therefore unsafe and may lead to death. The other option is to put the child for adoption.
There are unavoidable consequences if the teenage mother decides to raise her child. She would probably have to drop out of school to care for her baby. Research shows that a teen mother, even if she does obtain an education, it is more likely to have only a low qualification. This results in her being in the lower income group.
Teenage mothers, under stress, often go into depression which may lead to suicide. The stress may cause them to even take it out on the child, causing the child to become a victim of neglect or abuse. Statistic shows that a child born out of wedlock has a higher risk of become a teenage parent herself and the cycle will start all over again.
Research also shows that most teen mothers come from dysfunctional families. The desire for a perfect, real family remains the cry of the teenager so much so that the emotional void is filled by anyone who shows affection. “I thought he loved me. I was young and ignorant. I thought we would be a great family. But he played on my vulnerability” claimed C. Ho who is now a matured, single mother who had to stopped schooling after Form 3. However, with her entrepreneur acumen, she now owns a small business.
Yet some are as a result of rape. The trauma manifest itself later in the destructive behavior of allowing oneself to be used. Jackie (not her real name), for example, was molested by her father from age 8 to 10. “I will never forget it. I felt so lousy about myself. I didn’t care if I was hurting myself. I just wanted an escape”.
In conclusion, as advised by Dr Chang Tee Ho, a psychologist from Johor, “having a family is a great responsibility. Teenagers must be instilled with a sense of the future and confidence in themselves in order to avoid pregnancy. Starting later in life, after having obtained financial stability is always the better option”